S5E9: A Bilingual Lakeside Wedding in Maine | Married Human

We wanted a ceremony that included our parents because merging families was a big reason behind getting married

And, we wanted everyone to be able to understand the ceremony, so we created a very intentional bilingual ceremony and celebration. 

I love this wedding. It was so personal, so thoughtful. These two wanted to join their families and they made sure that everyone was able to take part in and enjoy their wedding day!

Details

Wedding Date: 

July 23, 2016 

Wedding Location: 

Maine 

Approx. number of guests who attended your wedding: 

75 

What were your top 5 favorite moments from your wedding? 

- Our ceremony/Vows 

- Laughter fit after walking down the aisle (seeing all friends + family together) 

- Seeing our families together (meeting for the first time) 

- Getting ready with my sister, fam, and mother in law 

- Hanging out with everyone at the lake the next day, woodfire pizza truck 

Relationship

How did you two meet? 

We met in a bar in Brooklyn NY, lindy hop dancing. We locked eyes from across the bar and he came over to me and asked me to dance. (He had a ton of confidence because he thought I was new to the bar/lindy hop community, but I was already established in the dance scene so I had a lot of confidence too, ha). We discovered that we lived close to each other, so at the end of the night, he offered to ride me home on his bike. He said that to be cheeky, but to his surprise, I took him up on it (to save cab fare!), and he struggled to cycle uphill while he talked non-stop about his life. I wasn't particularly interested romantically, but he gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek when he dropped me off and I remember thinking 'Oh that's how I want to be kissed'. We said goodbye without exchanging numbers or anything. It took another few months to see each other out dancing again. At that point he asked me out, we went out to tea. It was okay, but not great. But again I remember thinking "he's describing the lifestyle I want. Hmm too bad we're not a match". We both felt 'Meh' about each other and texted a bit but didn't go out again. Then we met again at a Valentine's dance 6 months later. We planned another date and I ended up cancelling on him at the last minute because of tech problems I was having for my business (Little did I realize he's a tech guy and probably could have helped me with that problem, ha). Finally, I asked him for a raincheck the next week, that date was awesome. We've basically been together since then! 

What was the first thing you noticed about your partner? 

His eyes and his unique blend of suave and nerdy personality. 

Tell us about the proposal! 

Looking back the proposal was so so sweet, but in the moment, I was disappointed. I'm torn because while I love surprises, romantic gestures, and great stories, I also wanted to be an equal part of this important decision. He's from Argentina where it's not as common to have a huge elaborate plan for the proposal, so I think he felt lost and didn't understand this custom.

We talked A LOT about marriage before deciding to get married, so I feel like the moment we actually decided to get married was just a regular late-night conversation and then a lot of steps led up to the proposal moment. We had a similar cultural dilemma over the ring.

In Argentina, it's common for both partners to wear a silver band to represent engagement and then switch to a gold band after the wedding. I like that custom, but also did actually want an engagement ring with some type of stone. :) We took my parents out to a nice dinner when they were visiting us and told them over dinner. I thought we could use some stones from a ring from my mother or grandmother, but that didn't end up working out.

We were also traveling to see my sister soon and I wanted to surprise her with the engagement news in person. We kind of rushed to get a ring so I'd have it for when we went to see my sister. We went ring shopping together and there were a few that stood out to me, so he said he'd pick from those.

Then, a week before we left to go see my sister he picked me up from a dance I went to myself. I was starving and wanted to go eat. He said he wanted to take a walk first. (December in New York and he hates cold).

I put up a fight, but he persisted and then I noticed he was acting so nervous and I finally realized what was happening and let go of wanting to go eat. We paced back and forth along Brooklyn Bridge Park (again, in hindsight so delightful) as he looked for the perfect spot and then got down on one knee.

He didn't say anything just opened the box. It was one of the rings we had looked at, but I think I had convinced myself he was going to pick a different ring, so I was disappointed. (Flash forward to 4 1/2 years later, aka just a few months ago, it was revealed that he WAS going to pick the one I expected him to, but when he went back to the store someone else had literally just bought it!!)

Then, we walked to a nearby restaurant and on the way, he said, "Ooops, I forgot! I think I was supposed to say something like about how much I love you??" Ha.

He had a few of our friends waiting at the restaurant. I had prepared a book for him about our relationship and asking him to marry me so that I had a part in it, too. I gave that to him when we got home.

It was a Sunday night and we both had to work the next day, so he fell right to sleep and I stayed up crying. Haha.

I feel like I want to be an advocate for the so-so wedding proposal. And, also for proposals where both partners ask and both partners have rings.

Looking back I really do love the whole story (and I love the ring and the life partner), but in the moment, I did feel grief and disappointment. Oh, and in the end, someone had leaked the news to my sister anyhow, so it wasn't a huge surprise like I had intended. Oh well!  

What, if anything, would you change about your wedding day? 

We didn't do a "first look", I still stand behind that decision, but what ended up happening was that the rest of the day was filled with a lot of formal picture taking. I wished we had spent more of that time with our guests and dancing! The photos are great, but I wished we had gotten even more candid photos so we could've had both: the time with people and the fun pics. And to our photographers’ credit (they were awesome) they did suggest several times we do the photos beforehand for this exact reason. 

We also needed/wanted to keep our wedding the size it was, but now I look back on friends that I was just starting to become friends with at that time, who are now long-lasting relationships and I wish they had been there. 

Not about the wedding day, but... we didn't leave for a honeymoon after the wedding day because our families were still together and my husband's family still had time in the US before they went back to Argentina and we didn't want to lose that time with them. We did take one day to ourselves at the venue (the venue was a lake house rental, so we were staying there for the week), but otherwise, we didn't take a honeymoon.

And, looking back I can totally see why people take a honeymoon directly after the wedding!

We were so tired and just peopled-out and wanted to settle in together. I wouldn't actually change what we did, but I can see how it would have been awesome to have more relaxed downtime together. 

Did you participate in any family, cultural, or religious traditions in your wedding? 

My husband is from Argentina and I am from the US and our parents were meeting for the first time during the weeks of our wedding.

We wanted a ceremony that included our parents because merging families was a big reason behind getting married to us. We also wanted everyone to be able to understand the ceremony. We created a very intentional bilingual ceremony and celebration. We had my husband's best friend get ordained* so he could marry us and speak both Spanish and English.

We created fans (because the ceremony was outside in the summer) that had simple phrases on them in both Spanish and English to help be ice breakers between people who didn't speak the same language.

During the ceremony we had our parents stand up and repeat 'vows of support' (something I added in our ceremony at the last minute because I had been to my best friend's wedding 2 weeks prior and loved that they included that in theirs).

We danced both the Hava Nagila and a traditional Argentine folk dance. And during speeches, we had our same friend translate so everyone could understand everything. 

*We are not religious, so our friend found out that it is possible to become ordained in 'Dudeism' (á la the movie Big Lebowski - yes you can really get ordained that way!) to marry us. 

Did you highlight traditions at your wedding?

It was important that our vows represented things we could uphold in our relationship even if one day we were no longer married. I spent a lot of time on the vows! We were very specific about language in general in our ceremony.

For example, we did do the Jewish tradition of breaking the glass, but we explained what it meant to us (breaking down barriers between people of different cultures and the shattered glass symbolizing the fragility of relationships+ the need to treat them with care).

We said "I choose you" instead of “I do". And it was especially important to us to avoid any language that implied that death was our only way to become unmarried. In fact, we agreed to hold our commitments to each other for 5 years and then reevaluate. This was a verbal decision (no legalities involved), and it has been a helpful idea through these first 5 years.

We have a yearly calendar reminder each year on our anniversary to ask each other some simple questions about how we're feeling in our relationship. It's a nice reminder that this is something we're continually putting effort into and not taking for granted. 

What was the planning process like? Did you run into any obstacles? How did you overcome them?

We didn't want the planning process to take a very long time. We planned it in about 6 months. The hardest part was the distance - we were living in Brooklyn and the wedding took place in Maine. My mom helped us out a ton because the location was on the lake where she lives. I remember a general feeling of a million small obstacles and decisions. I had to get really great at making quick definitive decisions. 

Finding a dress was a lot harder than I expected it to be. I knew I wanted it to be comfortable - I didn't want to be thinking about it at all throughout the day. And my only other requirements were

a) not strapless

b) no lace

But what did I end up with? A strapless, all-lace dress. ha!

I think I had wanted something relaxed and flowy, didn't it just didn't end up looking great on my body type. It was a much more stressful process than I had anticipated.

Finally, I found Aria Los Angeles on a visit to see my sister in LA. There you can mix n'match bodices with skirts and they'll create the dress for you. They were amazing - just checked it looks like they're no longer open. Bummer! 

Back to the ceremony - we wanted our friend to marry us, but he had no experience with public speaking and the ceremony was to be outside without a microphone. I hired a friend of a friend to coach him on it. It turned into this beautiful mix of a marriage counseling session (she was studying to become a therapist), coaching for our friend, and rehearsal of our ceremony - it was so special. I felt completely supported by our friend throughout the process and ceremony. He lead the ceremony beautifully and I'm so glad we went through that process. 

What was the most important decision you made about your wedding? 

The vows/ceremony, the location, the life partner. 

And ultimately I think we really stuck to the idea that our marriage was about the coming together of our families. Those weeks were the first time our parents + siblings met and we were all staying near my parents house or at my parents house.

Everyone had a part in creating the wedding... making signs, thrifting for flower vases, arranging chairs, etc. We did some sightseeing things in the days leading up to it. We practiced the group folk dances and the one on one dances leading up to that week - and people were hysterically laughing through the language barriers, the awkwardness, the love and connection. We also got to spend time with our friends the day after the wedding. We had a gathering at my parents house on the lake. We had a brick oven pizza truck there and everyone got to swim and hang out. I loved that time. 


What is your favorite thing about your significant other? And, if there *is* a least fave thing, feel free to share that, but let's keep it light. ;) For example, Sara's husband would love it if she stopped burning everything she puts in the toaster oven, but he loves her anyway LOL 

So many favorite things! He's reliable and grounded and honest. He's creative and also very logical and technical. He's generous and thoughtful, and an incredible dad. Recently we've been enjoying restoring and/or repurposing furniture together. 

He's outspoken and opinionated which I love and also leads to the least fave thing - and this goes back to our vows as well. 

One part of one of our vows was:  "I promise to honor your ideas about the world and simultaneously challenge you with mine."

Which got laughs from our guests because anyone who knows him, knows he has a lot of views about the world and wants to talk about them all the time! And he and I have some differing views about the world and we're not afraid to confront each other about them. Which sometimes happens in a big way in front of our friends and family. So they knew exactly what we were talking about!

I get frustrated with the level of opinionated views and mansplaining that occurs. But I also appreciate having someone to challenge me and recognize that he does have the ability to listen and change when he receives new information. And ultimately I think this part of him helps me become a better person.

What’s the best thing that’s happened in your lives since getting married? 

Becoming parents together. 

What is the most surprising difference between being married vs dating and/or living together?

How it's been easier to live together.

Our early dating/living together was more tumultuous. We trust each other more, and also have so much more experience in communicating with each other.

Stay up-to-date with Elyse! @elysesparkes

DRESS: Aria Los Angeles (has since closed); The Bridal Garden, the organization that buys/sells used wedding dresses and benefits underserved kids

PHOTOGRAPHY: Lexi Lowell Photography

CATERING: Stone Cove Catering; Day After Catering: Uproot Pie Company 

MAKE-UP: About Face

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