S6E6: Elopements and Backyard Weddings aren't a Compromise. There's an Art to Eloping
Are you considering eloping? Or having a beautiful, intimate backyard wedding? You're not alone.
Many couples have decided that big weddings aren't the right fit for them.
Regardless of the wedding size, your day can still be absolutely stunning and filled with love!
Guest: Kim Olsen, one of the humans behind Art of Eloping, and author of Your Wedding, Your Way: Destination Elopements, Intimate Ceremonies, and Other Nontraditional Nuptials: A Guide for the Modern Couple
This week, we’re dishing about things like…
Why couples are opting to elope or have a backyard wedding
Elopement trends and inspiration
How to plan the perfect backyard wedding for you and your partner
Managing expectations
Why it’s so difficult to search for wedding vendors on Instagram
How to find your vendors easily
Legal details that are often overlooked when planning an elopement
Elopements, Non-Traditional Weddings, and Backyard Celebrations
What is your specialty in the wedding industry?
Navigating the how-tos of planning elopements and intimate ceremonies - tips, timelines, checklists, how to tell loved ones, how to get married in a different state or abroad, legal aspects, money saving perks
What insight would you like to offer about elopements and non-traditional weddings?
I hear all the time from vendors that their couples think it's not an elopement unless it's an adventure elopement and they're hiking to a mountaintop (which is crazy, considering what eloping USED to mean!). I'm here to promote eloping in all its different formats, which is at the heart of the book and the website.
Essentially, I want couples who are considering eloping to feel confident in their decision to do so. A silver lining of the pandemic was that it normalized eloping and brought it closer to the mainstream. And there is no one way to do it—it can be that gorgeous hiking elopement like you see all over Instagram, or a chic city hall ceremony in a killer short dress, or a weekend at an Airbnb with a fabulous pool. While weddings have so many fixed parameters—and real, hard expectations—there really is no recipe when it comes to eloping.
Business Info
What areas do you serve?
All over! We have followers and website visitors from the DC area to New York to Singapore, London, Sydney, and back.
Why did you decide to start your own business?
Serendipity and a gut feeling that something was there. I met my now-business partner in the summer of 2018 after writing an article about one of his businesses and learned he'd written a book on eloping some 20 years ago (random, I know.)
Having opened Instagram once or twice (ha) and seeing all the activity around elopements, I just knew there was something more to be done on the topic. (Keep in mind this was in 2018, two years before the pandemic banned large gatherings.) Over the next few months, my now-business partner met every Saturday morning (I was working full-time still) to map out on a whiteboard what this thing might look like. We also decided to try for a new book, given how much elopements had changed in 20 years, and by November 2018 we had a meeting in New York with a book agent. She welcomed a new book proposal, I quit my full-time job, spent the next four months writing the proposal, got a book deal almost a year to the day I decided to dive into this whole elopement thing, and then got to work on the website/business side of things.
What's the coolest thing about owning your own business?
Having total creative control and allowing myself to run with my instincts without constantly second-guessing myself or worrying about my ideas being rejected. The freedom to (mostly) live and schedule my days as I choose to. And no more Sunday Scaries!
Do you have a favorite story to share?
I do! A couple's pandemic elopement story that I came across while doing research for a different interview.
Not a story, but if useful, this is my favorite "version" of eloping: It would have to be the at-home, intimate dinner party wedding with a handful of loved ones. I have a whole chapter on this in the book, in which I interview a chef and sommelier for recommendations on food and champagne, and give a timeline for planning an at-home dinner party and who to hire. I just love the elements of entertaining at home—creating the tablescape and scattering candles (with flames!) everywhere, making a little DIY bar cart, turning down the lights as low as you'd like. Not to mention the high degree of control you have over your situation—you're at home, either with just yourselves or with a handful of those who are the most meaningful people in your life, and you're saving a boatload of money.
What challenges have you had to overcome?
My business model has been a challenge to figure out. And for all you entrepreneurs out there, I'll let you know that I'm now looking at 4 years of thinking about how to make this a profitable business, and still fiddling with it.
We launched the website on Valentine's Day, 2020, the dawn of the pandemic. We had planned to throw a huge launch party in March 2020 with vendors and couples. Instead, we quietly launched. And, since the plan was to make a business out of a vendor listing model, that idea was shot because there was no way I could ask vendors to pay to be listed when the entire wedding season—and their income—had just been steamrolled for the year.
What advice could you offer to someone starting a business like yours?
Niche down. And then niche down again. When we set out to build Art of Eloping, eloping pretty much lived on the rebellious fringes of the wedding industry. Now, due to the pandemic, you see this market of elopement vendors absolutely exploding. How do you stand out as a vendor? How do we stand out as a platform to elevate these vendors?
Overall, I'd say get very, very good at one thing, whether that's florals for just elopements, or elopement planning vs destination wedding planning, so you become known as the go-to expert in that arena.
What's the craziest thing you've seen happen at a wedding or large event?
Not at a wedding but this is a crazy story about a wedding—when I was interviewing experts for the book, I talked to a family law attorney who specialized in divorce. He told me about a woman he knew who had planned an elaborate, $100,000 destination wedding to Italy. She obsessed over it, it took months of planning, you know how that looks. The morning after the wedding, her husband woke up, looked at her, and said, "I want a divorce." He gave her the wedding she'd always wanted, just not the marriage.
The lesson here—you're planning a lifetime together, not just a fancy event. Focus on what matters and don't lose yourselves or your relationship whatever you choose to do.
Your Daily Life
What is daily life like in your household?
Half of the week I'll stay at home and work from a very small slice of space in my loft, typically 6-10 hours or so each day. The other half of the week I try and make it to my coworking space, ALX Community here in Old Town. I need the balance of both environments and work really differently in each. Most days, I start with projects or writing things first while fresh, before diving into smaller but draining tasks like emails, IG posts, scheduling things, etc. Historically I went to the gym a few days a week in the early AM with my boyfriend, but now I save early hours for the most intense work when I'm at my freshest. Which means I take a lot more evening walks. I like to break up the day with household stuff and listen to junk podcasts, so I can let my mind relax while being productive. Then it's back to the to-do list of more piecey items. Weekends are a little less work-focused, but I'm usually working Saturday morning and Sunday evening.
Are there any challenges or obstacles that you've had to overcome?
My business model is a constant challenge. I'm always trying to think of ways to help both vendors and couples. I know what couples need, and 99% of my content is geared toward them, but for vendors, they each have such unique needs depending on what they do (photographer, videographer, florals, etc) and then you have to think about, okay, how do they handle elopements? Do they travel? Do they have a family so are mostly local? It's a challenge to nail down the problem I'm trying to solve. But it's a fun challenge. Social media is also a constant grind. I'm in the age group of those who weren't raised with the internet, didn't have a flip phone until college, and so it's not natural to be constantly posting and interacting. Sometimes I get too in my own head about it. But I'm constantly trying to be better about posting on a schedule and doing stories. But I still have no idea how Pinterest works.
What advice would you offer to other business owners in a similar situation?
Re: business model - don't expect to nail it on your first try. Be willing to let go of the original visions you had for your business and start over. Again. And again. And again. That said, keep some realistic visions alive. I started a note in my phone at the local pool on Sunday in late summer 2018, when ALL of this was just an idea, there was no LLC or thought of a book yet. The note was a list of people I was going to invite to my launch party one day. I'm finally having that party next month, to celebrate the book launch.
Re: social media - no one cares about what you post as much as you think. I'd guess half of the people don't even read the captions, they just "like" and keep scrolling. Don't take any of this personally.
I also personally believe that a large majority of folx don't like having to do Instagram if they have to promote themselves or their business in some way (I'm not talking about influencers‚ they are their own interesting demographic and a whole other conversation). Instagram started as a fun way to document your personal life, it was this cool digital album, and I'm grateful that I posted those terrible practice photos when I got my first iPhone (a 4) in 2012 as they document my life, that time, where I was. When my phone got stolen last summer and I had to erase my entire cloud, I thankfully had posted a bunch of great memories over the last decade, so those photos were the only ones I didn't lose. So as a personal time capsule, I like it, although I post about twice a year. As a business tool, followers are currency, and it's painful. Especially since at the end of the day, you don't own any of it—Mark Zuckerberg does. IG is an amazing connector for the wedding community, a free advertising tool, brilliant for marketing. But it could all go away. So I think we'll get to a place one day where we come full circle to the importance of email lists and websites. Mark can't touch those.
Future Wedding
What does your future wedding look like?
If I do ever get married, it'd be a secret elopement on the Atlantic coast somewhere. Something very simple at sunset with just us two, a good photographer, and an officiant whom I put some thought into choosing.
I'd want to be with my family right after. Have a bonfire on the beach, a seafood boil, lots of blankets, night swimming. We'd have to plan this family vacay in advance but I'd head to the beach a day or two early to keep it a secret and have time to relax before the family arrives, then surprise them with the news and celebrate.
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